A Rainfall of Ashes

Time, Friends, Enemies, and Ashes
Times are getting tough...school is demanding more of my time......the crew...the crew.....man these things going on it could drive any normal man insane...thank god I am no normal person.....it makes me chuckle when people come up to me and say "hey I saw a person who looks like you" or "you remind me of someone" to these I reply 'No my friend your are wrong there is nobody who looks like me or reminds you of me...there is just me'At the moment Im still quite upset with random N maharani....do you not hate it when someone takes a stranger over you?....makes one feel like goin wth....n walk away........

Your freinds can become enemies, and your enemies can become freinds can they not?.....At times it can be hard to distinguish who is an enemy or a freind....but there are ways to tell before they hurt you.....friends....trust.....such small words but with some much power behind them.....some people take it for granted.....how do you protect yourself from your 'friends'?...Mahmoud had a good way to put it 'God defend me from my friends, from my enemies I can defend myself with."....I have often contemplated on this.......

Im walking away from all these troubles in my life.....I just cant seem to...theres juz so much to ponder and do.....Confusing times....the future is hazy...what must I do?.....I cant seem to comprehend, on 1 side I wanna....it is like to completely different sides of a scale...Forgiveness or punishment before I leave......my mind is thrashing...it is as if the a horde of angry bees ate trapped in side my head......

Being Muslim.....it offers many challenges....Challenges I relish for I am alwayz up for one...or two...even three......

I love prowling at night...I feel as if I am the hunter, I love it because I am hidden......for some reason I cant really explain why but I like being alone...as strange as it seems as much as I like being with friends I would rather be alone....A loner one may ay...very well I dont mind....it gives me time to ponder on things and contemplate on other things.....

At parties such as fundraising dinners I see people having a good time stuffing themselves with food, throwing food in the garbage...what I dont understand is...theres people starving ad here you are throwing away food and stuffing yourself to the point where you are going to burst?????.......also at other dinners and get togethers.....sorrow grips my heart, and tears blur my vision because the past comes up from behind me like lighting I see the people who have passed on...both the young and old that I loved...from family to crew...I see them there...I wish they are there to enjoy this happiness....I walk out and try picturing what it wou;d be like if they where there....sometimes it will work (most times it does not) it is hard for me to be happy because what is true happiness???...I believe I had it once...but it is dead in the graves with my fallin comrades.....I feel as if I am not here to enjoy happiness because when ever I have come close it turns into ashes within my mouth........this is why I tend to go home instead of chillin (oh there are a few other minor reasons and well 1 major)....I want to be happy but it is ery hard to find...and when I do find it it quickly slips away from my grasp.....ashes upon ashes