You wana to fight me? Then fight these tears!!!

What is there to say?....im starting to do bad in school....afta last game I dunno what came over me I was so disappointed in myself I don't think I have ever played so bad in my life I played terrible..no that does not even justify how bad I played...the walk home helped me get my head straight I guess went to the hospital again las night, still no change.....went to pay a visit to some lost friend to day....n my sis...daffodils...they where her favorite flowers, n I guess mine as well...After laying them upon her grave I stood in mute silence for God knows how long....my kness buckled as I finally tried to walk away....when I turned my back I could feel them watching me.......

It aint EaZZZZy being ChEeSe!!!!

Tunnu, tunnu, tunnu
I am really missin you
Do u remember the time at west ed?
You where all jolly n laughin,
You took of that my hat,
The one we both like,
You should have seen the look on your face it was classic,
Eyes poppin wide kinda like the startling look you have n say
"OMG IT'S AL-QEIDA!"

n then theres Jocey....
yo wtf he shaved yo head head n u didnt tell me
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Lailas reaction...
WTF u shaved your head whyyyyyyyy?????
OMG...that looks fuckin hot!

Then there was Hugh's reaction...
'WHOA!' takin a step back n pointing
'WHOA!! WHERE DID YOUR HAIR GO??!?!?...
what happned???!?!?!....
OMG YOU SHAVED YOUR HEAD!...
WHOAAA!!!"

An lastly Dantes classic reaction....
"Yo! man u shaved your head" (half n hour later after we have been playin bball at the Y)

Conquering...

Ive been to the mother fuckin mountain top,
Heard mother fuckers talk,
N seen them drop,
If I aint got a weapon,
Im gonna pick up a rock,
Then im gonna bust your ass,
N countine to rock.....

Random

sop we have won our first game it was pretty funny coming to think about it...the opposing theam has the ball n is coming to our side n all you hear is "BOX OUT!" "BOX OUT!!!!!!"....n Brother Murtada once the other team gets the ball even though they r still on there side "HELP D!....HELP D!!!!!!!!!!"..lol......I love you guys dont eat me!!!!

And ya thas about the only happy moment I have had....just been stressin all the funerals n hospital visits....it really takes its toll on you......i cannot even go on with writing this it hurts to much so im going to just leave off here.......

Random

im think im going crazy...in n ocean of ignorance, bloody tired n sore....i think i pushed myself way 2 mcuh a bball practice......I'm tyin to find my way back to sanity again though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there.....

Stressin like there aint no 2morrow...

As you mite have noticed ive been really stressin for the last few weeks...juz alot going on wit...well everything...i was supposed to go to seatlle for Artemis wedding (close freind of mine, a very nice guy) but i got caught up with things over here.....my best freind mahmoud, his car got shot up luckily he nor his wife where in it at the time....theres been increasing shooting theres so i told them to leave asap n had everything arranged...i got bills to pay n money to make....i intend to move out asap juz looking for a suitable location....but what trouble me most of all is hw much i miss ma sis, Aisha it has been 10 years n my grief remain for she was eveything to me n still is...memories flash back everytime i step out of my house....that was whereshe pushed me on the swing....thas where we built a castle...she taught me how to blade over there...we would always read under those trees...she bought me candy from here...all these memoeris....i used to play hockey ova there....that was my best freinds house.....so many memories...so many......

Aisha

Although it has been along time,
You have all been mine sis,
Remember the laughs, the tears,
All the fun times we had,
Remember mud pie?
The day we wathed the birds fly so high?
Wishin we could as well,
You taught me how to blade,
Imma shade betta than you!
We went to the movies,
Walked in the parks,
You explained to me how Im supposed to act,
In front of ppl n gurlz,
You taught me to neva betray, backstab, nor gossip
You taught me to be stong n neva show my pain
To read the meaning n the truth behind ppls words n faces
Ive done what I can
Ive done all I can...but yet it seems that I have failed.....
Theres no way I can pay you back,
But my plan is to show you that I understand,
You are appreciated sis

Nelo Angelo- Black Angel

Rumor says blue blood
my be flowing in that guy's
body. I tell ya, if he glares
at a guy, even the Devil
may cry.....

I dont want to see them fuckerz tryin to rob my papers,
Shut the fuck up before I send you to meet the maker,
Send you back wit ur soul on fire,
Let them see what you could have inspired,
Chillin wit the demons instead of aching for your souls desire,
Take it back n move it slowly,
Im attacking all these homies,
You'll run away hear my name,
Even though you dont even know me,
You bullshit in your rhymes,
You claim ur gangsta,
But nigga u nottin but a prankster.


.....just expressin my mood

Surah Fussilat, 33

Who could say anything better than the one who
summons to Allah, and acts rightly, and says,
"I am of those who submit themslves to Allah"?

Al-Fatihah (The Opening)

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Praise be to Allah,
The Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds.

Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Master of the Day of judgment

Thee do we worship, and thine aid do we seek

Show us the straight way

The way of those whom, thou hast bestowed Thy Grace,
Those whose Portion
Is not wrath
Nor of those whom go astray

Friday's Randomness

man im bloody tired!...played bball wit youcef las nite, kind adangerous wit all the ice but man the weather was so nice we could not pass the chance to shoot some hoopz......n flip i found out that I still have my injury i have not done any sports for 3 weeks hoping if i rested my injury would heal but it has not and now i have a game today....i could not even stay for the halaaqa las nite becuz my injury was botherin me so much:S.....arrraaaagggggggggggggggggh the flippin flippiddy flip flip (k ignore me im stressin!)....oh n on the bright side laila bought me coach carter so ya that made my day....oh n mahryam (still dont kno how to spell her name..IM SORRY BINTI, DON'T EAT ME!) bout me a suede jacket i lub it!...thank you!!!! :D

Poem

Goblets of blood are overflowing from my eyes. Who can know the plaint of my striken heart?

The dust clouds of despair has obliterated every path. How can one discern the sign of the end of ones journey?

Those scars of destruction were not expunged even by spring; so throughly had the garden been ravaged!

In search of the non-exsistent goal of madness who knows wiether mad ones have set out?

Just to kiss but once the brow of the candle.....the moths are darting towars annihilation.


Just poem I found in my journal from long ago...I dont even have a title for it....

Silent Suffering

Many say I camouflage it well

Only after discovering my silent suffering

Only those who have discoverd it

Silent but never silenced enough

The silent suffering I endure

Alone, leaving what appeared

Silence is well known of me

Silent and hidden

Silent but not silent enough

The pain exists deep down within me

A heart that weeps so silently, weeping in the dark

Hoping no one sees me silent, never!

Stomped on, used as a sponge, broken, tugged on, and jerked at

Never again!

A heart, I do have

And treated as if I have none

A heart that's far beyond repair

Silence, this is the hearts only way

My suffering I try an keep well hidden

But it cries out Help

But no one seems to hear or see

Only the ones that some how saw

The silent suffering within me, can't you see

This is my heart speaking

Help me, dont,

I am suffering

Reality, Despair, N Darkness

Well maybe now I should just say goodbye
You all used to be my friend's
But I never felt I really was yours
So maybe this is the end.
I'm different from you, all of you
Each other we've never understood
I hope that if I do tell you goodbye
That it will be for good.
Whenever I'm sad it hurts me so bad
And you care,
But it aint fair,
I don't know why,
I just want to cry
And someday I won't be here.
The streaks of red on my arm have done me no harm
They're only made of blood
But once they are blood that turns brown like mud
They'll be there again and again.
If I'm mad at you I'll hurt myself too
But that doesn't really matter
Although when I hurt I feel lower than dirt
And my spirit's bruised, battered, and tattered.
I do not know why it has to be so
I just know that it is so
But the way this has been going it is basically shot.
You don't need me
And that's how I think I know why
These words are the ones I have to speak-
I love you all, but goodbye.....

I Am Alone....Am I?

I keep gettin a funny feeling,
it comes from deep down inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.

My doctor calls it depression,
my peepz say it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.

Some say I'm psycho,
some say I'm just weird.
It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just died n disappeared.

I get really edgy,
I really want to commit suicide.
Then I get a headache,
followed by me feelin sad.

I wish I could get help,
Yet at the same time I don't,
I wish it would go away.
Maybe if I keep praying real hard,
it will some day.....

.....or will it???

Iqra

"Why do you read so much" Laila asks me in the library

Im read as I walk, when I am on the bus, in between classes, every chance I can get I like to read.....something of a hobby, though people do not understand why. I enjoy reading all sorts of books such as Comic books, Fantasy, Fiction, Graphic novels, Humor, Magazines, Myths and Legends, Newspapers, Non-fiction, Poetry, Sci-fi...and just about every book I can get my hand on...

I take off my glasses put my book down, and looked up at her smiling and said....
"Laila im trying to read here...do you mind!"

...chuckling I tell her that the written word is all that stands between memory and oblivion. Without books as our anchors we will be cast adift with neither teaching or learning. They are the windows of the past, mirrors of the present, and prisms reflecting all possible futures. Books are lighthouses erected in the dark see of time...so you see that is why I read...no if you will excuse me binti shouldn't you be studying?"

I Will Be Missing You...

Just a lil something a freind whom I am missing dearly has sent me...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Will Be Missing You

You were so full of life
Always smiling and carefree
Life loved you being a part of it
And I loved you being a part of me

You could make anyone laugh
If they were having a bad day
No mater how sad I was,
You could take the hurt away

Nothing could ever stop you,
Or even make you fall.
You were ready to take on the world,
Ready to do it all.

But Allah decided he needed you,
So from this world you left
But you took a piece of all of us
Our hearts are what you kept

It’s hard not to see your face
But please always know this
No one will ever take your place

You left without a simple warning
Not even saying good bye
And I can’t seem to stop
Asking the question WHY.

Nothing will ever be the same
Family dinners are empty without your laughter.
But I know you're up in heaven
Watching over us

I didn’t see this coming
It hit me by surprise
And when you left this world
A small part of us died

Your smile could brighten anyone’s day
No matter what they were going through.
And I know everyday for the rest of my life,
I Will Be Missing You.

From Random

*Hey now! It's shumbody's birthday, and I think you kno who,
call him Billu, Bobo, Taka, Duke...or whatever you choose,
*Now hold up, slow down, ya see it's the "summer time"
my buddy is getting old, hes heading for one nine,
*But age is just a number...and that works for my uncle jee
hes the only one I know who still watches cartoons on YTV!
*See now, I met him this year...It hasn't been that while
but that don't matter cuz Billu you can Always make me smile
*I think the funniest still is how you automatically call me "Random"
and how your answer to any guy problem will always be "jus can him!"
*It's funny still how you make it so easy, crack jokes till were ok,
and now we want to let you know you make this life funnier every single day,

*Now Remember that day we went to taco time
and ordered the whole menu without looking at the price sing
*It was fricken hiiarious, cuz you only had a ten
Kesha and me still laugh about that...but it wont happen again
*Then of course there as southcommon, at Chuck E Cheese
and you DID NOT beat me at b-ball...Let it go PLEASE!
*Haha, jokes, jokes but we shall definitely play a game,
maybe after I whoop you, you'll remember my Name
*Bobo, I can hear you know "Right Random good one!"
But since it's your birthday I "wont mess with you son!"
And Billu, Nikesha & Joc just LOVE your matrix coat,
that's whiter than what's splling down you throat...
Yes, Yes I know that made no sence but I don't care
Now lets hijack a taxi and get the hell out of here!
...Kape, about time to wrap up this burday song
Im running out of words to rhyme plus it's getting sort of long.
So Bille, what we really wanted to let you know
Is that all of us love you so much even though,
We may not always say it ut listen, keep in mind.
friendship like this aint easy to find.
And BOBO, you dun get a gift...ur probly thinking "wut the ___!?"
but hey, dun worryabout it you got Kesh, me, Joc...jus ur luck!
OKAY im done entertaining, I layed it out, here,
So have a sweeet nineteen, peace...cherrios...and
like a great man once said...
CHEERRZ!

A Riddle...

In a room sits 3 great men, a king, a priest, and arich man with all his wealth. Between them stands a merecenary, a little ordinary man, with no great mind. Each of the great ones bids him to kill the other two.
"Do it!" says the king "For I am your lawful ruler"
"Do it!" says the priest "For I command you in the name of God"
"Do it!" says the rich man "And I will give you all this, this wealth shall be yours"

.....So tell me who lives and who dies?