Today I managed to get up for fagr salah without any difficulty as soon as I heard the ahzan I simply got up an made wudu, I had not slept at all from the moment I got into bed from the moment I got out I lay there the whole night my body aching with pain my mind raising uncontrollably, projecting images in my mind ,random things, everything...I had stopped reading the Quran for months and only recently have I actually picked it up, I do not pray all my prayers, some days go by where I do not pray at all, 2-3 days at a time! As I think back I become fearful because this is not me, this is not who I am.....ppl keep telling me I have changed...I have for the better and the worse, Im putting my past behind me, fixin up my life, opening myself up (slowly, and cautiously), but I have lost my Emaan...that is a price I cannot pay...
I want to be surrounded by the people who will help me streagthin my Emaan, I need it, the problem is I canno trust them for they have broken that trust, and others make it seem to me that they do not want me the be with them, I have 3-4 brothers who r there but I don't know I don't know if I can open up to them....the people I can open up to are all non-muslim, how has it come to this, that I cannot trust my own brothers and sisters in islam??? Don't get me wrong my non-muslims friends are some of the best ppl on earth. They are surely my best friends.....
Brothers actin like they rock, sisters thinkin there hot...it's quite funny yet disturbing to see what I'm seeing and to hear what I'm hearing.....
Im really missing Tunnu :S I ran into Gayu in Hennessey (k I don't know the spelling let me be!:P), man im missing tunnu.....FLIP TUNNU PICK UP UR CELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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