Thursday, September 21, 2006
Me against the World
That guy, there.
Do you see him?
Sitting alone, wondering, wishing
Dreaming.
You laugh and mock him
But do we not all wonder, wish and dream?
That guy, there.
Do you see him?
Sitting alone, crying and breaking
Alone.
You see him. Do you care?
Why dont you comfort others when you want comfort in your tears.
That guy, there.
Do you see him?
With others, but another person.
Laughing and mocking others
Still alone.
You know he is putting up a wall. Do you not care?
That guy. There.
Do you see him?
Still alone. Empty, feeling nothing.
Broken.
You still dont help. Do you not care?
That guy, there.
He used to love, he used to feel, he used to care
What happened? He's now like you.
Doesnt care.
That guy, there.
Do you know him?
I do.
That guy there,
Thas me...
Do you see him?
Sitting alone, wondering, wishing
Dreaming.
You laugh and mock him
But do we not all wonder, wish and dream?
That guy, there.
Do you see him?
Sitting alone, crying and breaking
Alone.
You see him. Do you care?
Why dont you comfort others when you want comfort in your tears.
That guy, there.
Do you see him?
With others, but another person.
Laughing and mocking others
Still alone.
You know he is putting up a wall. Do you not care?
That guy. There.
Do you see him?
Still alone. Empty, feeling nothing.
Broken.
You still dont help. Do you not care?
That guy, there.
He used to love, he used to feel, he used to care
What happened? He's now like you.
Doesnt care.
That guy, there.
Do you know him?
I do.
That guy there,
Thas me...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Breaking my habits
I don't want to be the one battles always choose
Because inside I realize that I am the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I have come this way
I know its not alright
~Linkin park
Because inside I realize that I am the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I have come this way
I know its not alright
~Linkin park
Do you know?
Do You know what is like to make yourself feel pain
Just trying to ease the hurting inside
Do you know what its like to put yourself through hell
Just so a few secrets you could hide
Do you know what its like to hurt so much
That every morning and you just wish to die
Do you know what is like to get home at night
And have nothing to do but cry
Do you know what is like to give your heart to someone
And have it thrown back at you
Do you know what is like to have a broken heart
That just seems like it can never mend
Do you know what it feel like to get a hug
From someone who really means it
Do you know what it feels like to not get that one hug
It kills you beyond mortal understanding
Do you know what its like to be so alone
And all you need is a confidant, a friend
Do you know what its like to hurt so much
That you just want to make it all end
Do you know what its like to be standing there
On the crossroads of life and death
Do you know what its like to make the decision
To take your last and final breath
Do you know what I go through every day
No! How I feel you dont have a clue
Dont even try to understand my life
Because I refuse to be judged by you
Just trying to ease the hurting inside
Do you know what its like to put yourself through hell
Just so a few secrets you could hide
Do you know what its like to hurt so much
That every morning and you just wish to die
Do you know what is like to get home at night
And have nothing to do but cry
Do you know what is like to give your heart to someone
And have it thrown back at you
Do you know what is like to have a broken heart
That just seems like it can never mend
Do you know what it feel like to get a hug
From someone who really means it
Do you know what it feels like to not get that one hug
It kills you beyond mortal understanding
Do you know what its like to be so alone
And all you need is a confidant, a friend
Do you know what its like to hurt so much
That you just want to make it all end
Do you know what its like to be standing there
On the crossroads of life and death
Do you know what its like to make the decision
To take your last and final breath
Do you know what I go through every day
No! How I feel you dont have a clue
Dont even try to understand my life
Because I refuse to be judged by you
Monday, September 18, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
On the DL
I don't wanna know,
If your playing me keep it on the low,
Cuz my heart can't take it anymore,
And if your creeping please don't let it show,
Oh baby I don't wanna know.....
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Shaken
Argh just so fed up wit ppl! just because im injured it does not mean I am dead so save your sympathy for I want none of it. There are those who say "Ill always be there for you" yet when u try talking to them all u get is "hold on a min", "can u call me back", "im busy right now", "im busy" sounds familiar? I get it everyday yet despite how annoyed I get I never let it show, I just suck it up n act as if it where nothing but it really eats you up on the inside...Everytime I lock myself up in my fortress of solitude (reluctantly) she manages to pry me out every single time, my defenses that can hold of whole armies of humanity stand no chance against her.....
Further more why is it so hard to find a friend who will just remain a friend and will not end up liking you???
I can feel this bitterness creeping inside of me, I had thought I had banished it but here it is...I can see it on the horizon...Everywhere I look.
There is a dark side in everyone, and I can feel mine creeping up around the corners...
Further more why is it so hard to find a friend who will just remain a friend and will not end up liking you???
I can feel this bitterness creeping inside of me, I had thought I had banished it but here it is...I can see it on the horizon...Everywhere I look.
There is a dark side in everyone, and I can feel mine creeping up around the corners...
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
The rambling of of a dying man
Feeling so cold on the the inside.....
Feeling so weak on the outside....
...Introvert
Being attacked by all sides by forces that I cannot see my defenses are almost non existent....im dying...is this my end?....It is funny is it not?.....Im dying I can feel it slowly my body is shutting down on me I do not feel alive as I had once did that camp did something to me...but what?...I feel so different...or was it the camp?....I do not know all I know is.......
Feeling so weak on the outside....
...Introvert
Being attacked by all sides by forces that I cannot see my defenses are almost non existent....im dying...is this my end?....It is funny is it not?.....Im dying I can feel it slowly my body is shutting down on me I do not feel alive as I had once did that camp did something to me...but what?...I feel so different...or was it the camp?....I do not know all I know is.......
Thursday, August 31, 2006
A Clouded Mind...
The rage boiling up within me....
My fortress of Emman is under siege and it's defenses are slowly crumbling. Breaches have been made, but relentless counter-attacks by warriors of faith have thrown back the opposing forces. The fortress remains standing, for now.....
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
2-3 day of camp
This camp is really starting to get to me, I'm not geting that time to really ponder and when I do it is not the same I need to be in my cul-du-sac, I need time in my fortress of solitude, I cannot seem to get that time to de-sensetize. The lack of sleep is really getting to me God! why must people snore so loud! My lung is starting to act up on me yet again and not only that it seems to be getting worse than ever before. One minute I am walking and contemplating on how I should best tackle various problems that are killing me (quite literally), N the next thing I know I am on the floor withering in pain, pain beyond anything I could describe.......
~Hoe get down get low
I'm crossing these mommas like tick tac toe
Let's ride let's go
Get loose get drunk get low
Thas right lets roll~
~Hoe get down get low
I'm crossing these mommas like tick tac toe
Let's ride let's go
Get loose get drunk get low
Thas right lets roll~
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Day 1 of Camp
Nobody had any idea where the location of the camp might be so that was, how shall I put this? Time consuming....A waste of time.
Typical brown people they can never be on time, but must always be atleast half n hour late or more...can somebody tell me why I hang around brown people when I despise them so much? Especially brown Muslims!
Outhouses meh I can live with that, no shower well there was a river near by so I'm all good. But argh why must people complain so much this is camping after all...well kinda, in a sissy sort of way. Im used to spelling in a tent, having to sometimes hunt/fish for food, cooking fires, the rugged outdoor life...I honestly doubt few if not any could survive that kind of camping especially when they complain so much about this.
Had it not been for the huge immaturity factor I could actually chill with them more often, but everytime I just feel like secluding myself, as if I do not belong here...I constantly ask myself what am I doing here? I do not belong here. I should be by myself somewhere alone. Do not get me wrong I love them, but I do not trust them for that I have lost in them, Trust is like Respect it is something you have to earn, did my seclusion bring any benefit? I am so lost...lol honestly I do not expect to let 30 let alone 26...I am surprised that I have lived to see my 20th birthday. Makes me wonder why I am still here when my friend (broz, n sistaz) who are much better than me who had a whole life ahead of them....had their life snuffed out like that of a candle.
My heart is weeping. It cries for a want, sopmething it can never have, something I have decided not to pursue, for I am not worthy of such a beauty. A part of me longs for it but those feeling I grind down with my foot, kind of like a taboo....misery beyond comprehension....
~Every breath u take
Every move you make
Every bond youbreak break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you~
~Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you~
Typical brown people they can never be on time, but must always be atleast half n hour late or more...can somebody tell me why I hang around brown people when I despise them so much? Especially brown Muslims!
Outhouses meh I can live with that, no shower well there was a river near by so I'm all good. But argh why must people complain so much this is camping after all...well kinda, in a sissy sort of way. Im used to spelling in a tent, having to sometimes hunt/fish for food, cooking fires, the rugged outdoor life...I honestly doubt few if not any could survive that kind of camping especially when they complain so much about this.
Had it not been for the huge immaturity factor I could actually chill with them more often, but everytime I just feel like secluding myself, as if I do not belong here...I constantly ask myself what am I doing here? I do not belong here. I should be by myself somewhere alone. Do not get me wrong I love them, but I do not trust them for that I have lost in them, Trust is like Respect it is something you have to earn, did my seclusion bring any benefit? I am so lost...lol honestly I do not expect to let 30 let alone 26...I am surprised that I have lived to see my 20th birthday. Makes me wonder why I am still here when my friend (broz, n sistaz) who are much better than me who had a whole life ahead of them....had their life snuffed out like that of a candle.
My heart is weeping. It cries for a want, sopmething it can never have, something I have decided not to pursue, for I am not worthy of such a beauty. A part of me longs for it but those feeling I grind down with my foot, kind of like a taboo....misery beyond comprehension....
~Every breath u take
Every move you make
Every bond youbreak break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you~
~Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you~
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
When the shadows come to dance
A glass jar...I always thought that im not made of glass and that I will not break....I can feel the 2 separate, the two distinct personalities of mine constantly clashing within in me...it is not good n bad...no its not like it's black and white....it seems to me that it is all grey....every time I make a decision it is just like rolling up a snow ball and tossing it into hell, what chance does it have? We all have a dark side in all of us, and I can feel mine creeping around the corners...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Drunk off of Despair
An Uncertain Future lies ahead of me. What was once clear is now hazy, I am lost in this deep and dark ocean and I cannot flippin swim!
Alone. Gone. Lost. Annoyed. Confused. Hurt. Hazy. Pain. Wounded. Death. Chaos. Uncertain. Im going, going, gone.....
Alone. Gone. Lost. Annoyed. Confused. Hurt. Hazy. Pain. Wounded. Death. Chaos. Uncertain. Im going, going, gone.....
Monday, August 07, 2006
Lonley
Im all alone...I have pushed away everyone.....locked myself up in the fortress of independence and self-sufficiency again...Who's at the gates?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)