Day 1 of Camp

Nobody had any idea where the location of the camp might be so that was, how shall I put this? Time consuming....A waste of time.

Typical brown people they can never be on time, but must always be atleast half n hour late or more...can somebody tell me why I hang around brown people when I despise them so much? Especially brown Muslims!

Outhouses meh I can live with that, no shower well there was a river near by so I'm all good. But argh why must people complain so much this is camping after all...well kinda, in a sissy sort of way. Im used to spelling in a tent, having to sometimes hunt/fish for food, cooking fires, the rugged outdoor life...I honestly doubt few if not any could survive that kind of camping especially when they complain so much about this.

Had it not been for the huge immaturity factor I could actually chill with them more often, but everytime I just feel like secluding myself, as if I do not belong here...I constantly ask myself what am I doing here? I do not belong here. I should be by myself somewhere alone. Do not get me wrong I love them, but I do not trust them for that I have lost in them, Trust is like Respect it is something you have to earn, did my seclusion bring any benefit? I am so lost...lol honestly I do not expect to let 30 let alone 26...I am surprised that I have lived to see my 20th birthday. Makes me wonder why I am still here when my friend (broz, n sistaz) who are much better than me who had a whole life ahead of them....had their life snuffed out like that of a candle.

My heart is weeping. It cries for a want, sopmething it can never have, something I have decided not to pursue, for I am not worthy of such a beauty. A part of me longs for it but those feeling I grind down with my foot, kind of like a taboo....misery beyond comprehension....

~Every breath u take
Every move you make
Every bond youbreak break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you~

~Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you~